July 10th, 2010 How to make a child feel healthy fatherly
general fathers in the education process of children prone to a phenomenon: either beaten or severe blame, the city in the calm down and regret, so to be compensated in various ways, such as your child shopping, watching movies or kids … … Different people have different approaches, but most fathers would rather that guilt with actions, not himself apologize to the children.
perhaps fathers are afraid to lose dignity in front of the children, right? In short, many people believe that admit or apology is a sign of weakness, so children, especially sons will come from his father “never admit” experience.
course, we are certainly not good to let my father bowed his head to confession, his spots, rather physical suffering, not to face, fever, these are eternal dogma, not easy to change.
but I was an exception, came from the son gave birth to now (8 years old), I have He formally apologize for no less than five times. It really is because of my fault because I let the emotions out of control had been wronged him, or because I do not care and let him have fallen, … …, my fault I sincerely apologize to his son, but Facts have proved that I did not lose anything, on the contrary, I was his son and wife to respect, because I will apologize to his wife.
not really apologize to the relatives of the United States and Germany, down should be a normal state. For example, when my wife and I quarrel when, if she has been said that the crucial point in me really made me feel that is my problem, I will immediately stop feeling so that their static moment, and then she said: & ldquo ; you're right, I did not notice this. “
general is: immediately, our attacks will stop, even if the wife's anger still lingers, may continue to nag a few, but that will end the war, we will not Ouqi – even the front of the children, will be, too. The problem is, I do not think I've lost face, because someone is not an outsider, is the life entrusted to me, in front of them, what can keep it?
important that kids see all this, not only give birth “to the father Learning & rdquo ; of the heart, he will pass a “flexible” and “adjustment” of wisdom.
Why? Because children and adults with different eyes to see, when he saw his parents quarrel, or severe, he sensed that the atmosphere of tension, and the resulting fear, he feared the situation out of control, as uncontrolled violence or separatism is It is really frightening to him the results. Therefore, by an apology (or weakness) can resolve the atmosphere, in his view, this is a “climate regulation” approach, is a means to control the situation, giving us a truce, peace skills, as a experienced drivers, when the vehicle lost control, will be cool to take measures to enable all pull through.
Therefore, an apology is sometimes a kind of wisdom, especially for children. But do not blindly sign of weakness will become a limit, and sometimes even for the children left a “Weak of” experience. So, they will remember this experience, married the future, the same will be true.
So, the father of the child's education must be measured, in general, the following points –
1, but not severely suppressed
especially when the child because of fain out of control when, sometimes into trouble, this time, the father must not be really emotional episode, you know, is part of growing into trouble is temporary, even the adults have all the time, even made mention of a child. So this time, performance here authority is desirable, not blame and abuse, but the expression of some severely, and attention to look a bit like the head of the next command state. But be sure to take a “Do not really scared him (her)” the sense of proportion.
such as my son's language final exam score is 99 points, for a little careless word, Obviously it is wrong to wrong. When he told me, we're eating. After hearing my language and facial expressions are no longer in the rich, keeping the minutes of silence, then her son would be feeling very honest and he ate rice, if not more.
atmosphere lead, do not rush to preach, because his son is feeling fear, a disturbed person not cool to listen, and then, if the regular season in the meal he fears that his gastrointestinal problems are likely. But the silence itself, there will be a result – he would quietly after dinner, and clean food than usual, but also take the initiative to wash, rinse.
my son is so, then he quietly returned to his room, reading aloud from the text ( to please me), this time, my purpose has been achieved. And must be pretending to “receive his love.” Then my eyes became gentle, praise him read the text, nodding good – the process, taught him that lesson, take the initiative to correct mistakes, and let off their sloppy.
but the wrong approach: deprived of his right to a meal, call him or hit him, or order He stood side reflection (corporal punishment). To know the children in the body a long time, no matter where they went wrong, Du him not to destroy the physical and mental health and there will not undermine their normal lifestyle, even more can not attack one O'clock Bu Gu Hai Zi's Chengshounengli and humiliation Ta or in any form of emotional, such as groaning sigh, threw things around or stormed off as no war can lead to love him, what “are the result of your usual spoiled,” or “how do you child be this way & rdquo ;, it makes children feel very serious fault of their own family war and led to the disintegration of families, self-blame, guilt will lead to the formation of stimulating, leading to stage fright, such as examinations, weariness, and even may lead to depression.
II action less nagging
This is the father of the patent, strictly speaking, children and not care about the mother's nagging, nagging is normal for a woman, the children will not bother too much fear. But the father of a nagging them, that is, even more than the severe reprimand children got cold feet.
Why? Because the general when his mother nagging from angry to become sad, sad will be softened when the child can be resolved so long as to coax. But his father will generally use more gas when the nagging, and then will evolve into hands, like a roaring lion roaring constantly, and then on Qianpu bite … …, ask, Which child is not in the front of the first lion will kidney? !
Therefore, the best father to take action as soon as possible, presentation, first of all ask why mistakes must make an honest expression of the child, and father to accept the idea that all children, not unwarranted charges or dismissive, but to quietly listening, and then share their same or similar experience that year.
action would be best not to show beatings, but the state of adjustment as the child (not any of their attack out of control). Angry because his father again, there is one thing we must know that he was a child, their own flesh and blood is weak, due to lack of the fault committed, of which his father was largely responsible for their own (non-teaching support, father too), usually their own did not take preventive measures, is now the father only remedy, and not fully responsible for the child.
then action when the “overcast cloudy” and then “cloudy becoming sunny & rdquo ; is appropriate, this is a natural transformation process, the child will not feel a sudden, it teaches the children of a process of adaptation, would not let him “swallowed” or learned from his father or someone keen to make their own conclusions. Most important, but also to the child, the son of an important technique in particular: regulation relationships.
Just think, when he grew up, the unit may be in a mess because of lead or something colleagues unhappy, feeling like a childhood home. Then his father once taught him so transformed, he will bring this future work environment, if such a transformation between husband and wife, then the child's future husband and wife relationship will not be too problematic.
3, guide and do not blame
When my son does not like homework time and I general way the game will introduce him to learn. Such as addition and subtraction confusion, I will tell him what to play trading game, then pay and give change, they will put to the addition and subtraction, practice of theory, arouse their interest in the future when shopping experience will be more copies.
language skill is not working, but usually, like I will share with him a picture book Sometimes he can attend, I also asked him to read, such as his interest in animals, so I invited him to read a section of the tiger, he said simply read, I sides pretended surprise, he was my reaction, will be more vigorously , will remember not the words clearly, which is to satisfy his sense of achievement, once a sense of achievement, no matter how much men will inspire creativity.
can once said: “how do you so stupid, even such a simple word wrong, & rdquo ;, “how do you so casually, head water now? “Or” with such a simple thing not back down, the future events can do? “These accusations like the spell, the children heard, not only felt shame (inferiority of the premise), but also very” obedient “, virtually carry the content of these accusations, grow up you really could become the kind of people.
4, must not be beats
when the “fight is, scolding is love “a child's interaction with parents, the child will accept this procedure, then he would be implemented in life.
it is love that abuse, and beatings and humiliation suffered flesh means a sense, these will fear and anger that a person, so when he was a person feel good, they will not leave him (her) too close (so as not to suffer). This is split, there is no real trust and harmony.
When a person is divided, they will not complete, incomplete, not only can not be good to complete the team with the project, such as football, it would not produce substantial harmony with the relations between the leadership and even spread to spouses and colleagues, and their children – as close to (love) means that humiliation and abuse, they still stay further apart a bit as well, and maybe that is “produced from the beautiful” things?
correct procedure is “love is safe, is to respect, is to embrace, is to accept” for love is love itself, not violence, this is the logic in the proportional relationship. Such as the U.S. president, Washington and Roosevelt, because of fatherly love and love and bring up their heart, his father is teaching people to “career”, while establishing themselves mainly popularity, popularity is not good, either you can not even the best ability displaying. Good relations with others can not be rendered as “cursed is the love”, so the future for our children to have a relatively good interpersonal and marital relations, the word, the future for our children to have a higher quality of life, parents no longer beats them.
five, no matter how busy must accompany children
so that the elderly can not be said for his generation of children is a mistake, but the result often is: your child may be adapted to the old habits and make you upset. In addition, the children will adapt to the elderly because of relatively weak or too indulgent. Well, this really is what the it?
you can say is that too busy to spare. May from time to see these children grow up, they can not understand, if understood, then there will be little adults, powerless will be waiting for him (her), that time will be more trouble.
one day I got home more than 0:00, 10 am the next day we still have to do television programs So wake up the next day, talk to the son with the wash, eat breakfast, and then let him sit on my second bike out to buy food, all this is completed, I set out. Although the worst, but I think the world of the father has a conclusion: We live why Yeah, not to their healthy growth? !
To this end, let the child feel your heart with his (her), concerned about his (her ), and to interact with them, seize the time exchange, no matter how busy, too caught up with fatherly love, we will not be sorry.
therefore, must keep the company of high quality, even shorter, it must allow son accompanied his father to play a few times, several rounds of battle, feel the intensity and the protection of his father, so her son will learn from for a man. Daughters? Even can not do without his father's embrace and concern, which will directly affect at least how to judge the future of her boyfriend.
the content of the father very much, but to do that, probably only pass muster, and Excellent children must have excellent genes, not just here to say a priori gene, the main thing is the day after tomorrow the sun (fatherly) and father is the sun, to let children not calcium deficiency , the sun is essential.